Observations In Life

You’re running late for an appointment, meeting, orgy, etc. and the only opportune time to pick up a small snack at the grocery store is on your way to your scheduled whathaveyou.

You rush into your local grocer’s and skillfully navigate your way through the mobs of clueless people standing around with their thumbs up their butts trying to decide what to cook for dinner.

You’re quite frankly impressed with your agility as you whiz past consumers to find the shortest line available. Eureka! You come across a line that has a man buying nothing but a value-sized bottle of gin and a few edibles, and it’s not even a “15 items or less” line. As you skid into the line hoping to head off anyone else who may have spotted this gem in the middle of madness, you wonder why everyone else is standing in lines behind people buying food for, what looks like, everyone who’s hungry in China.

Then it hits you. Everyone else has learned from their past mistakes that the shortest line always, and I mean always, contains the one idiot in the store who can’t get his shit together long enough to get in and get out. It’s the only man in the store who is going to have a problem with everything. “I wanted these items rung up separately. My credit card’s not working. What’s a Safeway Club Card? Did you need the manager’s key card because of me?”

Egads, man! You’re lucky you’re probably retarded or I would cut you. Now go home and drink your cheap gin in its gigantic plastic bottle and cry yourself to sleep because you just pissed off everyone in line behind you.